This morning I got a taxi home from the Ramblas and the driver told me that Terry Venables is coming back to Barça as first team coach. Apparently the taxi driver’s son got done for speeding the other day, I think I now know who taught him to drive. Anyway, the son had got a bit stroppy with the police so they threw him in a cell to calm him down. Ten minutes later, they put an old bloke in with him. This bloke only turns out to be Terry Venables, the chirpy ex-coach of Barça, England and Queens Park Rangers. Venables immediately started banging on the door and shouting “Quiero mi albóndiga. Quiero mi albóndiga.” which means, “I want my meatball, I want my meatball.” It seems Terry’s Spanish is a bit rusty: he was probably trying to say abogado (lawyer), but who knows? After a while, Venables gave up and started to explain to the taxi driver’s son that he was in Barcelona trying to get in touch with Joan Laporta. Apparently, Laporta had left a message on Terry’s answering machine inviting him to be next season’s first team coach. Venables had tried to call back dozens of times with no luck, so now he had come to Barcelona to try to see Laporta in person. Unfortunately this had not worked out either and TV had ended up selling iffy DVDs on Plaça Catalunya which is how he came to be arrested. After about 40 minutes, some top brass arrived and Venables was released. The whole thing must have been hushed up cos there was nothing in the press about it.

The Taxi Driver reckoned that Laporta was a big fan of Venables and had always admired his christmas tree formation.

If this is true, it could mean the end for Frank Rijkaard.

I hope El Tel’s Spanish improves.